


like a cross turned upside down.

by jazthestampede (princejellychu)



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst and Humor, Dark Comedy, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Suicide Notes, probably going to hell for writing this but OH WELL
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-01
Updated: 2019-10-09
Packaged: 2020-04-05 21:18:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19048612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princejellychu/pseuds/jazthestampede
Summary: here lies shikamaru nara, a dumbass.





	1. shot straight to hell.

“No really,” Shikamaru grumbles, “what’s the point in leaving a drunken suicide note that specifically says, “no funeral”, if no one fuckin’ reads it?”

 

The whole damn town is at this thing, staring his corpse in his best suit down with tears and looks of anguish on their faces. Shikamaru always hated funerals, they were like watching paint dry: blubber incessantly, somebody always has to fall the fuck out in a tantrum, and you always had to say nice shit about the dead, too; even if Mrs. Tsuchikawa cheated on her husband with the college student two apartments over thirty years ago and told her husband that the baby was his.

 

Naruto steps up to the podium and Shikamaru leans on one of the pillars with a slick grin, “this ought to be good.”

 

When Naruto gets to the podium, he lifts prosthetic arm and adjusts his tie. Shikamaru scoffs, Naruto fucking hates ties. Sasuke or Sakura must’ve bullied him into one.

 

“Just take it off dude. You look constipated.” Shikamaru advises, even though it’s not like the other boy can hear him, “It’s just me, I’d never be mad at you for it.”

 

Naruto finishes fucking with his tie and clears his throat, “Shikamaru Nara,” he drawls, pausing for dramatic effect, “is–well was, a complete dumbass.” Leave it to Naruto to leave all his goddamn tact in that ugly ass frog wallet of his.

The room goes silent, and Shikamaru barks a laugh; glad no one can hear him because it’s always been a dream of his to bust out cackling at a funeral. Ironic that it’s his own, but what great timing.

 

“A-fucking-men!” A voice hollers. Shikamaru stops laughing.

“Aw _shit_ ,” he whispers, staring at the girl in the doorway of the funeral parlor. Of all the people who made it to the funeral, it had to be fucking Temari. Though, Shikamaru doesn’t expect anything less from his not-girlfriend-slash-baby mama. “now it’s _really_ about to get good.”

 

Yoshino Nara turns toward Temari with a look of sheer malice and Temari stares right back at her with a look that could curdle milk.

 

“Shikamaru Nara is a complete and utter, total fucking _dumbass_. And apparently, I’m just as fucking stupid as he is; because I love that goddamn crybaby.” She pauses and waves her hand before continuing, “Not enough to be his girlfriend, but whatever, doesn’t matter now. He’s always been stupid, in no small part thanks to his folks.” Temari rolls her eyes and belches, hand on her belly. The kids must be making her GERD act up, Shikamaru thinks, suddenly sad that he’ll never actually get to meet them. He turns back to watching the crowd, Naruto is still standing at the pulpit, mouth damn near to the floor, Chouji and Ino stare at Temari with twin looks of amusement and pride.

 

“I fucking love that woman.” Shikamaru whispers, head whipping back to where Temari’s standing, spewing vitriol with a cool look of indifference on her face. This was one hell of a eulogy.

 

“Shika was never meant to be a solitary creature, y’all just assumed that since he was too fucking smart for his britches that he could solve all his problems on his own.” She pauses and gives everyone in the room, save the row with his friends in it, a stare so cold it made Shikamaru _shiver_ , “Now he’s in a suit he didn’t like, a casket he didn’t fucking ask for, and a room full of people who mostly didn’t care, or just flat out ignored his feelings.” She belches, “And now, I’m gonna find a damn bathroom, because that bastard decided to leave half a teaspoon of his DNA inside of me. And fuck me for letting him.”

 

“You fucking tramp!” Yoshino yells as Temari turns around to leave, “You didn’t deserve my son! This is your goddamn fault!”

 

“Yoshino–” Shikaku starts, grabbing his wife around the waist.

 

Temari shrugs, “With all due respect Mrs. Nara, _you_ didn’t deserve your son. Now it may in fact very well be my fault, but I’m still naming one of these kids after him; but I’ll be _damned_ if I put Nara on those birth certificates.”

 

“What are you getting out of this?” Shikaku asks, “If you just came here to start shit–”

 

Shikamaru snorts, “Because,” he drawls, “she actually read the fuckin’ note.”

 

At the same time Temari interrupts Shikaku with a simple, “If y’all had read the note, you would’ve known that he _asked_ me to.”

 


	2. saw the reaper.

After Temari strikes the entire congregation—including Yoshino Nara—into stunned silence, a few things happen:

Kiba whispers a quiet, “Gotdamn,” before he loses his composure and starts howling with laughter.

Ino claps.

Naruto pulls off his tie and throws it over the pulpit, “Okay, before I was so beautifully interrupted by the lovely Ms. Himura who basically said everything I was gonna say but twice as rude,” he swallows and tilts the mic closer to his mouth, “Shika was the smartest, stupidest motherfucker I’ve ever met.” He stares at the front row, “And before you move to come strangle me, Mrs. Nara, I mean that with all the love in my heart. He was my best friend.”

Naruto licks his lips and continues, “We’ve been friends since the sandbox, back when he was just a weird, distracted kid who drew clouds on his classwork and wrote the answers inside of them. He told me back then that he just couldn’t make his brain stop, make it shut up, make it work right. That was okay, I mean I had the same problem, except I’m not half as smart as he was—is—you know what? Fuck it, he’s still the smartest person in this room, even dead as a doornail in this ugly ass casket. He told me all about his ADHD, how his folks just deemed him lazy and a lost cause ‘cause he just couldn’t function correctly. He was always so afraid of disappointing anyone, and yet was totally convinced that was the only thing he was ever good at.”

“He always said hanging out with us was the highlight of his life, didn’t he Ino?” Ino nods and Naruto continues, “’Cause we never judged him, never had a problem with who he was or how he operated. He was just a kid, a smart one. Everyone assumes that just because you’re smart, you have it easy. That you can solve all your own problems, because hey! You’re a genius, you have a good understanding of the world, right? He never got to be himself at home, never got a chance to just be a kid. He never got to just fuckin’ _be_ , he always had to try to be someone else, because it made his mama _so_ mad and his dad so disappointed when he was himself.” He sniffles, “Shika, I’m so sorry that you had to feel like this your whole life, that you felt that this was the only way you could get the peace you needed. For what it’s worth, I miss you like I miss my arm, but I’m glad you get to be peaceful now.”  

Shikamaru stands there dumbfounded. The funeral is dead silent. Chouji stands and claps Naruto on his shoulder, handing him a pack of tissues as he heads towards the pulpit.

“How many of y’all knew about Shika’s ADHD? Show of hands.” Chouji asks, raising his own hand. One by one, all of his friends’ hands shoot up. Kurenai’s, Iruka’s, Kakashi’s, even _Gai’s_ hand all follow suit. “How many of us knew that Shika was always sad and just hid it behind that whole, ‘It’s too troublesome’ schtick? How many of y’all watched him spiral when Asuma died?” The hands stay raised, and a few more from people Shikamaru didn’t even know or pay that much attention to raises theirs.

“Now I want y’all to be honest: how many of y’all actually listened, or read between the lines, or flat out tried to help him?” About a fourth of the hands fall back into their owners’ laps. “How many of y’all who put your hands down thought that he could just figure it all out by himself, or that he’d grow out of it? That it was all normal, something insignificant that y’all could just write off. Don’t be shy now.” The hands go back up and to Shikamaru’s surprise, his parents raise theirs with clear looks of shame and disappointment in themselves.

“Now I’m not going to blame anyone, because it’s no one’s fault that he’s not here with us. Y’all who dropped your hands even once or didn’t raise them ‘til the very end, I hope you see this as a learning experience, so we don’t lose any more good people. I hope all of y’all do better by the people in your life.”

Shikamaru watches as his mom turns a violent shade of red and buries her face in her hands. He watches as his father bites his lips.

It doesn’t bring him any sort of satisfaction. In fact it makes him feel hollow.

**Author's Note:**

> so i decided to vent write, and this was the result.


End file.
